If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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