No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
