Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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