I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
