i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
