Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
