All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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