I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
