just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
