So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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