How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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