i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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