one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
