found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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