Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
