I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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