I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
