So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
