it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
