We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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