The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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