Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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