If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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