I'm so fucking centered right now
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
