okay pat passed out under dana's car
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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