Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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