there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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