So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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