Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
