Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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