: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
MIDGETS
????
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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