We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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