Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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