dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
