Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
