What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
