thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize