atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
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I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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