So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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