A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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