you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
