the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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