She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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