Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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