We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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