the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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