the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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