I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
