I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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