he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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