My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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