WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
