IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize