Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
