please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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