i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
