idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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